OPTIONS

Absolutely essential is: to understand what actually sets the direction of our lives, of where we are heading.

We need to understand that there is indeed a big force that is controlling every aspect of our lifes - and that is simply: our beliefs, our convictions, our ideas - of ourselfs, of life and of God (the thing(s) we "worship" possibly without even questioning it).

Such beliefs/convictions/ideas are indeed the Autopilots of our Lifes!

When the autopilot is engaged, the aircraft cannot be steered in an other direction. There are indeed airplane pilots who crashed because they didn't realize the autopilot was misadjusted, or because they thought, that they were flying the plane and desperately struggled with the stick, not realizing all of their efforts were futile because they were going against the autopilot.

The same way the autopilot of our life (our beliefs/convictions/ideas) has mighty power over us, it simply shapes every aspect of our present and future: e.g. how we classify the things we experience, how we deal with those things, what conclusions we draw from it and eventually, how we act or refuse to act in life because of it. Everything we think then becomes what we do. And what we do equales our decisions. And our decisions turn into our habits. Our habits however determine where we end up in life and they are the building blocks of our personality; they eventually determine how we are perceived as a person by others (e.g. if you have a habit of giving generously, you will be perceived as a "generous person", that is now part of "who you are" in the eyes of the people in your life and you will be treated accordingly).

Indeed, the importance of taking a close look at our belief systems cannot be overadvertised.

So then our parents are to blame for what we believe - right? Of course, they bear a great deal of responsibility, however, we never completely copy our parents. We do indeed make choices of our own all the time (which at times leads our tutors in life to despair). In fact, the most powerful voice in any person's life is their own voice! We listen to no one more than ourselves - for a fact. Whether we are a strong personality or not, that lies not in actually making decisions all the time (that we all do constantly, concious or not), but rather in the kind of decision we take.

Therefore we alone choose which habits and beliefs of our culture, parents, tutors and pear groups we adopt and which we don't. These are our decisions, even if we mostly make them subconsciously. Of course, our environment presents us with a certain choice; and we are subject to that choice, to a certain degree, since we might have choosen differently if we had only known better. However, we ultimately become what we are through these inner convictions, for they determine the entire course of our lives. Understanding this also includes, understanding the difference between a decision and an intention. This is a really big and important topic, best explained in a picture.

But I want to remain on the subject of our core values, our firm beliefs, and how they affect the Christians. We all have firm beliefs. They form our conscience and are absolute key to everything we do.

Some people think, that our beliefs are private. I'm afraid that's a total euphemism, for we always act or don't act according to what we believe in, so what we believe becomes what the people around us will receive or not receive - so how can it be private? It's like smoking cigarettes. You may say, it's just for private pleasure, that the desire to smoke is your own private thing, but you're responsible for inflicting cancer to those next to you - at best you're robbing others of fresh air. So you think you're smart if you only smoke when nobody's around? But if you have a family, people who love you, then they will suffer eventualy: the loss of a lot of money for your "private hobby"/the expensive cigarettes, the bad example you present and not to mention your decline in health and the increasing costs of that - on all levels. So, how's that your private thing? And that's how it is with everything we believe. It has allpowerful affects on us and on everybody around us. It is most definitly not ever a privat thing.

Therefore, our beliefs, ideas and core values ​​(whatever you choose to call them) are absolutely key to everything that happens in your life and also for the people around you.

Such core values/ideas/beliefs are e.g.:

Your ideas of yourself, of a God or Gods, or an adherence to pure materialism.

That everything has meaning or has no meaning.

That nature/science is the measure of all things (= Nature becomes God and the Universities the Cathedrals and the Professors the Priests).

That people are inherently good or bad.

The believe that we are personaly responsible for everything – or the refusal of any responsability.

The idea that we have to let go of our feelings in order to become perfect, or the idea to express all feelings no matter if people around us suffer.

The idea that love would never allow suffering, that suffering and illness are always evil.

That men and women are not equals, that one sex is superior and the other inferior.

That children are subjects and have no rights or that children should reign in life.

That children have to be brought up with a very strict hand in order to achieve something in life.

The conviction of a perfect nature, so that only an anti-authoritarian upbringing can develop the child into its true good nature.

That disabled or old people are of less value

The idea that revenge is okay - even duty.

The idea that under certain circumstances even murder can be justified, etc.

And indeed all this core believs do not change automatically, even if we become a Christian.

By the way - there is no such thing as a born Christian. God does not have grandchildren, only children. The God of your parents can't help you. Only your own God and Father can. Therefore, there is no such thing as biological growth of the church. We all have to "become" Christians - real followers of Christ due to a decision for Him, because we want to, because we understand Hes pre-decision and love for us, that He is real and that we need and want Him as Lord and Love of and over our lifes. This is also why we should aim for "children of the Spirit" rather than biological children (which means bringing people around us into a relationship with Christ - preferably through a worthwhile example).

But how is it different and yet no different for a Christian? Think of all ideas/beliefs/values ​​as varied colors:

Now when we become Christians, we clothe our inner values ​​as if we were putting on a white church coat.

Now, from the outside it looks like all Christians have basically the same values. But a cross-section reveals our innermost ideas we normally never question (the attitude for our inner autopilot!) - and that can be a tremendous obstacle to follow Christ; to receive all his blessings and power; because these inner pre-beliefs can totally contradict Gods ideas and yet we expect God to bend to our ideas instad of chanching on to his values. All our inner convictions are so strong that they can be a major obstacle to understanding the Bible - the pillar of the Christian faith. Just think how different the phrase is received: "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom". Most Christians have a more or less rigid idea of how to interpret this core message of the Bible - and the reason for their interpretation, lies in their own core-convictions. Thats why we have so many different churches and teachings, even if we all do have the same Bible and the same God.

Note: I'm not saying that all of our inner beliefs/ideas/convictions are wrong. I'm just pointing out that they can differ signifficantly from one person to the next and the're therefore not an universal standard. Yet we trust them as if our inside (our heart/ our gut feeling) is never wrong; and that's the problem. However, if you have been raised with good values, your gut feeling might often be right, but we must understand that it is not "the Holy Spirit".

If the mention of the Holy Spirit came as a surprise, let me tell you that in the years that I have accompanied and counseled Christians, I have regularly come across those who mixed up the voice of their inner convictions with the voice of God/Holy Spirit. And that, of course, has led to countless rather sinister entanglements.

So let's trust our hearts and gut feelings - but not without openness. Don't think it was God if it wasn't. It's okay to think that God might have told you ..., but remember that it could be otherwise.

A real Christian can be recocnized because he/she develops more "heavenly/godly culture" and gets more away from certain aspects of the culture and values he/she was born into.

You think that under such circumstances one can no longer trust "God's voice"? Not quite. You are only stepping down from your own throne in life for real and you let God sit on it instead. This is not easy at first, but over time you will learn to navigate in a new way, much closer, more dependet on God.

But to be absolutly clear, there is no way God would ever tell you, or even just allow you, to do anything immoral or ungodly like murder or betrayal or adultery or revenge or unforgiveness etc. - such things are never God (I have to mention it, for I have met with a disturbing number of people who think so).

It's also important to review the fundamentals I'm talking about here, because you may miss so many of the blessings that God has installed for you, simply because your own ideas/culture gets in the way. For example, we are often brought up by the example, that receiving love depends on our efforts. So when we fall, when we sin, we expect God to punish us and to withhold his love and blessings from us - just like our parents used to do. However, the truth is, that we all sin constantly on different levels. So if God's love depended on it, no one would be entitled to receive his love, his favor, his blessings. Sin has in itself power to block the floodgates of heavenly blessings, thats why we often don't receive when we sin but not because God is withholding anything from us. As a matter effects we most need his blessings when we sin - in order to get out and away from it.

To conclude:

My most important advice therefore is - listen all day to good solid seremones such as (to give one example) Timothy Keller. You also find many books and messages from him about pain and suffering. But also about the simple basics of understanding the Bibel. Listen to such messages and to the bibel (audio bible) day and night - and refuse to listen to ungodly music and movies as well as any romantic stuff for a as a kind of thorough inner cleansing period. Let the Word of God and his sobering messages do its cleansing and healing power in your life. Let God inside and the rest will eventually fall into place.

PS: In this context, however, I have to mention that this can be a great challenge for someone who suffered from an "abuse of the Word of God" during childhood.

In this case you need to be reprogrammed - "written a thousand times over" like a computer program - with proper teaching. But that takes time and may pull you back into a religious mindset at first, until, with God's help, you start to be able to separate His Holy Word from the horrors of your childhood memories and your heart's corresponding misconceptions/convictions/beliefs, as they seem to be the same at the beginning. If that is your problem, then I suggest listening primarily to great sermons on grace. Yet preachers of grace are not immune to lapses into religiosity or what I call Christian esotericism - for, due to a superstitious human nature and a basis of all cultures in the occult, it is a powerful fortress and temptation to fall back into it (- core ideas again). Especially for someone experienced in the occult/satanic/esoteric. This is a stumbling block for many believers and of course also Bible teachers. But don't let that stop you from listening to many sermons on God's grace, for that is the key to understand the very basis of your existence, the love of God, and there aren't many preachers who relentlessly preach on God's grace as it should be (good seremon example). But just because a preacher dosen't get it all right, should not stop you - for nobody gets it all always right. Try to choose only solid preaching, but don't judge what you don't understand - for you might curse Jesus by cursing a preacher - and God does take that very personally.

Is it different for a Christian to crash in life? Yes, on three levels:

1. Because of our relationship with an almighty, alpowerful, loving God and personal Father we have a constant and tremendous source of strength to overcome even the impossible.
2. Because people who grew up in a Christian environment sometimes lose some of the power of God in the sense of developing a resistance to the powerful, healing messages, but also through possible false teaching.
3. Because, since the connection to God is also a real relationship, it will - like any other relationship we have - be negatively affected in the event of an internal breakdown. In fact, the pain that God would allow to us such suffering, can even extremely add to the pain.

So our relationship to God is crucial in every state of life and this Website addresses also Christians who can say - just like the rich young ruler in the Bible - "I have kept all commandmands, what else can I do (= why of all people, did this happen to me)?"

To sum it up:
Imagine, you are always there for your family. You honor your spouse/husband. You also honor father and mother (even if they don't deserve it). You work hard. And you strive every day to become a better person. You're a faithful housholder and at the same time you give generously. You are there for others and you faithfully serve in your church. You are generally loyal and you pray daily and you ask for forgiveness for your sins as you seek not to repeat any of them. You keep educating yourself intellectually and spiritually, and you make sure to keep your mind and your body healthy and clean. Imagen further, you'd do all this things even for decades but: (if you had a hard time growing up-) your destiny still doesn't change; or (if you had a stable childhood-) then suddenly one misfortune after an other befalls you and you lose everything and even your friends/family start turning away from you. Then, as a Christian, the devastation, the feeling of beeing utterly rejected/ignored by God - the love of your life - is added to the allredy unbearable pain.

When you are in excruciating pain, it can seem like the one you love and adore, God Jesus, doesn't seem to care about you anymore. And that's an enormous pain and challenge on top of the nearly impossible task of getting back on your feet. This is especially hard if you had parents who weren't (apparently or really) interested in you. Then it seems as if God is repeating the rejection. So let me assure you, God loves you(!) even if you haven't behaved as perfectly as the "rich young ruler" in the summary above. You are not alone! God is not rejecting you! But if you believe that pain and love are opposites that can never go together, that God doesn't love you if He allows suffering, then you're in trouble. You are adding unnecessary pain to your suffering (check your autopilot → fundamentals). Read the Bible, read the Psalms and the book of Acts, read and learn that in this world we will suffer - sometimes extremely - and yet God loves us. He can turn crap into gold if you let him. Just keep going and align your inner pilot with God's ideas about you, your life, and humanity's purpose. You may have to expand your ideas very much to fit God into (just a hint). And remember, Almighty, All-loving God is helping you. But I remind you to check two important things:

1. You need patience! Don't try to blackmail God by threatening to leave him if he doesn't help you right away. He usually doesn't answers to such impertinence. Don't forget who is God - it ain't you. If your wounds are really big, if your insides has fallen off a cliff, shattered into a thousands pieces, then it will take you a long time to get back on your feet. True, it can happen much faster with God than without him (and I'm well aware that time can be of the essence!), but still. The worse off you are, the longer it'll take. I'm afraid there's no getting around it.
   → Read the Psalms, you will find many words of a great man (King David) who knew suffering on all levels and transformed the great inner pain into singing prayers. To this day they are for great comfort and great strength to countless people. Make these psalms your own prayers.
   
   
2. You may need to update your informations about God and therefore about yourself. If your ideas about God and yourself are wrong (like you're only worthy recieving love if you behave well/if you never sin), then you may never gain full access to His riches and healing power. Not because He would withhold it from you, but because you cannot receive it. Check out the fundamentals (above). Listen to good solid doctrine (e.g. Timothy Keller).

This is a very big topic and I have a lot to say about it, because I have dealt with it extensively for over two decades.

I found out that the issue is less of an intellectual and more of a personal nature. In fact, on a purely intellectual level, a world - with a loving God, mind you - is unimaginable without suffering. Suffering is necessary and unfortunately unavoidable even for a loving God who created beings into his image (called to be like him). But when certain things happen, or when you have to witness certain things or go through them yourself, then you reach your limits - everybody has a breaking point. Then, even a high intellect can no longer be a source of comfort. Nevertheless, it is certainly an advantage, if one can at least understand/grasp a little of the big "why". Because assuming absolute futility makes everything even more unbearable.

At this point, however, I do not want to provide my own extensive research results, because there is a gifted speaker who already explains a lot about this very well and since I agree with most of what is been said in those lectures - and since it is easier to listen than to have to read everything - so here is the link to the series on: God of love versus a suffering World:

God of Love: World of Suffering? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZV9G4XIHPM

God of Love: God of Judgement? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUazX6wJPgo

God of Love: Church of Arrogance? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9SnjVkWHhE

PS: I might add, that no matter what you believe on a personal or character level of this speaker, I would still advice you to just listen to what he says. For even people we might question on a personal level can (at least occasionally) still tell the truth. Lets not miss out on the riches of a message just because of the human nature of a speaker (generally speaking).

Insomnia is a big problem that originates as much as it causes and prolongs extreme distress.

The anxiety, the flashbacks, the nervous restlessness, the constantly racing thoughts, the horrible nightmares, the breathing problems, the many pains, the arrhythmias, the sleepwalking, the hypervigilance - it's awful. In the morning one can be so exhausted that one cannot get up for hours, even though the mind is fully awake.

Those who suffer from such heavy burdens don't get very far without soon losing their minds. As if the torturer was standing next to the bed and would continue to torment you even years after the horrors you suffered occurred. This also applies to people who are neither neurotic nor hysterical and sometimes don't even remember the trauma exactly, let alone dwell on it. Repression has no less an aggravating effect than an over preoccupation with it.

The only thing that really helped me at the time (because medication didn't help me one bit) was "listen" to good stories all night long, that didn't involve any exciting sounds or screams or other triggers. When I say listening, I mean just letting it run all night. That way your subconciousness is constantly preoccupide with what it hears and doesn't drift of to the nightmares quite as easaly as without it. That also worked very well with pious stories from the childhood, just let them run in a continuous loop. Or with sermons and the Audio Bible.

However, at my worst, the Bible and even a good sermon were of little comfort as they reminded me too much of how far I felt from God, which caused me great grief for a several months. That was hitting rock bottom.

But to continue on what is helpful: It is also important to stay away from anything "exciting"– such as social media, letters, emails or phone calls – in the last few hours before bedtime. Unplug/turn off everything if necessary. It is also important to eat healthy (as far as you can afford that) and, if possible, to exercise - also at home in the case of pronounced agoraphobia developed due to the traumas insecurites. Though it would be better to go outside for a walk/run.

However, Iet me introduce you to maybe the most effective trauma release ever - only use under extreme distress so that it does not lose its power by overuse - and that's Jim Banks' trauma prayer linked here.

Please note: I linked the full version of the trauma prayer here, also the introduction, for it is good to get prepared. Yet if you are feeling extremely bad, then the unnecessary "laughs" in this lecture are very inappropriate. At the time, I was negatively surprised why jokes were being made on such a topic. It was hard to take. Also, I'm not a fan of anything that I would remotely classify as "Christian esoteric" and I don't want to advertise it here, but the following prayer is truly God-led and can be very helpful.

This prayer was definitely a great help for me and countless others - and I sincerely wish the same for you. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLZFxxIAnKE)

Trauma, PTSD, Anxiety, Burnout, Breakdown, Distress, Depression?

For this website it doesn't matter how you call what you suffer from. All of these diagnoses can have a relatively high overlap. Here is an excerpt from an article on PTSD and Burnout (just to share a shred of more professional inside) from Barbara L. Schuster, MD, MS, MACP; Published:March 15, 2021:

"...The trigger to posttraumatic stress disorder is exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violation. The exposure must result from one or more scenarios: the person must directly experience the traumatic event; personally witness the traumatic event; learn that the traumatic event occurred to a close family member or close friend; or experience first-hand repeated or extreme exposure to aversive details of the trauma. Behavioral symptoms are important to the diagnosis and include re-experiencing the traumatic event, such as recurrent dreams or flashbacks; avoidance described as distressing memories, thoughts, or reminders of the event; negative moods or cognitions; and arousal that include aggressive, reckless, or self-destructive behavior, sleep disorders, and hypervigilance.
The primary intervention for a person with posttraumatic stress disorder is psychotherapy, including cognitive therapy, exposure therapy, and eye movement desensitization, and reprocessing with or without medications. When people with burnout or posttraumatic stress disorder are tested, the outcomes on the Maslach Scales may overlap. Suicide is a concern in both groups. Burnout is felt not to be a direct cause of suicide, but significant chronic burnout may lead to clinical depression, which increases the risk of suicide. Studies suggest that depression is highly comorbid with posttraumatic stress disorder and a risk factor for death from suicide. Thus, depression may be a “confounder, mediator, or modifier of the association.” Studies of veterans and active duty military have led to conflicting outcomes of the relationship of posttraumatic stress disorder, with increase in suicides. ..." https://www.amjmed.com/article/S0002-9343(21)00156-X/fulltext

Since many of these diagnoses have a high overlap, it is not surprising that misdiagnoses often occur. So I don't want to differentiate on this website. Rather, everyone who is seriously struggling with such symptoms in one way or another should feel addressed.

As mentioned several times on this website, this protal can not replace a doctor or psychotherapist or support group.

When I collapsed some years ago, I even needed medication for the first time in my life, just to be able to function at all. Without the medical help, I don't know if I would have survived the first few months. What a gift from God to have access to such help. But I understand that this is not for everybody. I don't have a weakness in the area of drugabuse, so it was no problem for me. Thats of course very different if you du struggle with substance abuse. Yet again, a professional might be able to help anyway. So just be honest. Remember, God works mainly through other people to help us, we should never forget that - also you might be an Angel for someone else.

The physical implications of a real mental breakdown are extensive.

A Summary:

"Life is a constant process of adjustment. If this adjustment fails, dissatisfaction arises. The risk of numerous chronic degenerative diseases also increases. The aim of this chapter is to provide a representative overview of the current state of research on the subject of stress and health impairments. Based on the question of whether there is a connection between stress and the risk of mortality, various diseases and symptoms (cardiovascular diseases, metabolic syndrome, overweight/obesity, cancer, infectious diseases, HIV/AIDS, chronic inflammatory bowel diseases, bronchial asthma, cognitive performance, migraines/headaches, sexual function, mental disorders). This should show researchers the variety of approaches from which one can approach the topic of stress and health impairments."
Gerber, Markus: Stress as a risk factor for physical and mental health impairments (DE/ 2017).

As the short summary already shows, the implications of a real mental breakdown are complex and far-reaching. Persistent distress is very unhealthy and few things are quite as stressful as trauma/PTSD. This is far more than just being "stressed out".

It is often the ongoing stress over years itself – long before we actually break down physically – that leads to a burnout. Persistent stress, the inability to adapt, to constantly fail, the constant bad experiences - they eventually lead to depression as another symptom and again another cause of distress to complete the circle. Because depression robs us of the energy we most need right now, some survivor experts therefore counter with aggression (hints why depression and anger can and do go together). They get angry because anger and hate is a powerful source of energy.

That's also part of the reason why victims don't want to let go of their anger/hatred, because otherwise they have nothing left to sustain them - seemingly. But anger and hatred are self-destructive sources of energy. They are, in fact, like a drug that ultimately poisons whoever takes them over time. Also for the people closest to you. It is pure poison to have to live with an aggressive angry person.

Therefore there is no excuse before God by which we could hold on to our hatred and anger - also because God is the only one who actually makes this source of energy unnecessary. Because He can provide much more power and he carries a broken person and He can raise them up again.

But in order to be fully able to recieve Gods provision, we must first let go of our own tools and also our "claim" to so called "justice". We cannot enforce personal justice, nor can we achieve it ourselfs. If we really want justice for ourselfs, we must surrender to God.

We are designed for inner peace and joy. That's fertilizer for our health. But ongoing distress puts us in a vicious circle that is hard to get out of. So to listen to the "Good News" of Gods love, mercy and power and recieving it, thats the ultimate antidote. Lets not miss out Gods riches just for some minor idea of whats right for us.

To Family and Friends

I would like to say something to the people next of a person who sufferd a complete breakdown.

Now, before I say anything else, let me say: thank you for making such an effort. I would not have made it back quite so "quickly" - not even with the loving help of God - had I not had a "safetynet" - a loving family in my case. However - paradoxically - the same close family and friends can become also part of the problem.

I also want to put in here a little text from a website. If you are interested in the topic, just check on the many websites that exists, or ask a professional directly. However, I want to share more of a personal inside. But first a little cutout from what experts have to say on the topic:

"PTSD can make somebody hard to be with. Living with someone who is easily triggered, has nightmares, and often avoids social situations can take a toll on the most caring family. Early research on PTSD has shown the harmful impact of PTSD on families. This research showed that Vietnam Veterans have more marital problems and family violence. Their partners have more distress. Their children have more behavior problems than do those of Veterans without PTSD. Veterans with the most severe symptoms had families with the worst unctioning. How does PTSD have such a negative effect? It may be because those suffering with PTSD have a hard time feeling emotions. They may feel detached from others. This can cause problems in personal relationships, and may even lead to behavior problems in their children. The numbing and avoidance that occurs with PTSD is linked with lower satisfaction in parenting."
Effects of PTSD on Family: https://www.ptsd.va.gov/family/effect_families.asp

Now, what I want to share - with all who love someone that just recently suffered from a severe trauma - are the two things I personally needed most when I fell into the abyss.

This is my personal inside and people and families are of course very different (maby your family isn't at all loving and understanding) - so this is not necessary helpful for everybody.

But I hope I can give some humble relieve to former good relationships that became hurtful, by giving two (for me) very important rules to keep:

1. Please do not talk (only telegram stile)
2. Do not touch
   
   

That's maybe a little radical. It also depends on how fresh the breakdown is. If it's years back it should be okay to talk more, to even dig in and ask the most horrible questions of all: how do you feel/how are you doing (how I heated that!). Yet it depends of course also on the development of the "patient". The same way, the touching depends. I would say, just let the affected person touch you gently, if they are ready. And if so, just remain like "shy", meaning, let the affected person keep control over the situation - as long as he/she treats you respectfully.

In other words, if you are dealing with someone like I was back then, think of that person like a wounded wild dear. Don't approach directly, let it come to you. If you ask a question, wait. Perhaps minutes or even hours. In my case, in the beginning, my tongue was like "disconnected". Even when I wanted to say something, I just couldn't. So, give time until the stricken person you love is capable to respond.

Of course, you can force an answer, but that answer you are not going to like, and guess what - the person you asked didn't like it either! I heated my violent verbal outburst so, so much - every unfriendly word! I loved the people around me. I saw how much they tried to make an effort to understand and even to tolerate my behavior. And yet - that was the worse! For my behavior was not right. And I didn't want it to be okay. I did not want to hear: "I understand".

Seriously, that was killing me. Someone who does understand is not in need to say anything. As a matter of facts: I begged time and again for them to please just not say one word, to leave me alone. And most certainly not talk about "IT". No: "Tell me how you feel, or tell me about your feelings". There is a time and place for that - it must get out, but please don't force it - or let someone else be the mediator.

At times, it seemed impossible for the people around me to just let me "arrive" - and seriously, that made things so much worse. But I also want to repeat: "Thanks to all of you very much, for making such an effort!" Seriously. You must be an amazing person. Therefore all the more, you don't deserve any unfriendly word or gestures.

Maybe - in the beginning - there needs to be a distance in order to protect you as well as the affected person, from getting hurt more. Also remind yourself that failure is not exactly helpful: to gain back any self-esteem, self-confidence, strength and control (necessities to heal). But relationships can be like living on a minefield/battlefield, if a person with PTSD is involved.

Remember, time heals wounds - well perhaps not completely - but it will get better eventually. Also learning how to cope with being crippled inside. The invisible wheelchair.

As I stated many times on this website, patience is of the essence - also for the people around a wounded person. It might seem like a hopeless case - but especially if you and the person affected - are Christians, if you can count on the help of the Almighty then you have every reason not to loose hope.

Also - just like the affected person - you as a close family/friend should seek professional help or talk to the pastor (and together seek Gods Wisdom). Especially if you are in a marriage and you are both Christians. It is worth fighting for. And if you really want to help the one you love directly - just stay loyal and pray!